Back to the mall

The two consecutive rainy days with barely sunshine has somehow affected my mood. I swore that once the sun shines I'm going to the mall, something I usually do once a week when I had a job.

Sago likewise seeks variety in her walking routine. I think she's bored stiff like I am. If I had a car, I would bring her to the mall. But I have none so I went to the mall all by myself. 

I was planning to stay a little longer at the mall but nothing caught my fancy except for a cheap non-stick frying fan, dark chocolates and fried anchovies. There was nothing else that I need but I did a canvass on cellphone, laptop and electric fan.

I only stayed at the mall for a short while but I felt rejuvenated: I was able to resume with house chores late in the afternoon, sleep at night and wake up early. It's been months since I last stepped out, commute and take a Grabcar. For six months, my world practically revolved within the vicinity of my residence. 

Sago gets anxious every time she is left alone or with other family members. She felt relieved when I finally came home.

Looking for work

I'm looking for work again this time via LinkedIn although my chance is very, very slim. I'm not sure if this is unrealistic optimism but might as well give it a try. There's no harm in trying after all, although it can be very frustrating but I've come to deal with frustration throughout my life that I've treated it with a grain of salt, and view it as being normal. 

In case I have no luck in getting a new job, I'll just focus on working out. A simple 30 minute workout activity makes me very, very tired that it would take a couple of days for me to recuperate and resume with this routine. At least I have not given up exercising at my age and I'm still reaping the benefits of exercise.

Aside from working out, I try to brisk walk late in the afternoons to warm up and get some fresh air. My mom once said that in case I get married, I would have to make a commitment to family responsibilities. When that happens, I would have to give up certain things including my hobbies.

In order not to get lonely, I watch educational and uplifting YouTube/Netflix videos instead of reading. I might say reading takes effort while listening to YouTube videos on the background is relaxing. I also remind myself that sadness comes and goes, what matters is that I'm okay overall.

Kisses and hugs

In order to get jumpstarted, I get kisses and hugs from Sago. There's  some sort of magic happening every time I kiss and hug her when she's lying on the couch. In medical terms, I guess it's called oxytocin.

It's the same feeling when we take a walk outside in the mornings when she does her business. Me and Sago are also happy every time we eat our breakfast although it only consists of canned meat/fish and fried eggs. Moreover, Sago is my security blanket who puts me to sleep whenever she lies close to me.

I could just imagine what it would be like kissing a human who takes me for granted. I'm telling you: if you're looking for love, get a pet and your heart will never get broken.

Just in case

Humans can disappoint us in one way or the other, or they can be very demanding but dogs can never break our hearts. Moreover, they're gentle creatures requiring little maintenance.

In case I am destined to be single until eternity, Sago will forever be in my heart that's for sure. 

Like I said, I've come to treat Sago like my very own child. Like humans, she needs my love and attention. She is my only pet but I have to make sacrifices. I can just imagine what other sacrifices taking care of a human would entail. I might neglect Sago for that reason. I'm afraid I won't have any free time for myself.

I need not beg Sago to love me. She very much appreciates my efforts, therefore she is loyal to me. With that, I am contented to have her as my lifetime companion.

Got your picture

Every time I feel lonely for a boyfriend, I remind myself to stay cool and value myself like a "narra" waiting for that special someone. We all deserve to be happy, but how many of us can be patient enough not to wait but for God to lead us to the right direction? Surely you might miss someone so much for now but maybe this is not the right time and God does not want you to wait but to take it easy.

To alleviate loneliness, I just think of how Sago has remained a virgin throughout her life and she will die a virgin. She has this urge to mate like all other dogs but I'm worried about her puppies which I am accountable for. I don't know if she understands I don't have the money to spay her. Besides, like humans, dogs also have STDs. 

Yes, I'm also human and I occasionally miss a guy. What I do is that I just look at his photos and pray that he is always safe and sound.

Novelty

Yesterday, I decided to try Conti's coffee sylvanas and baked macaroni. Aside from that, I also had my hair trimmed. That's right. Trimmed and not shaven. I no longer sport a shaven head but a barber's cut. Not only am I sporting a new haircut but I likewise changed my hair stylist.

Considering I live on a meager allowance because I don't have a job, the sylvanas and baked macaroni were a little heavy on the pocket. However, no one knows how love we'll live and we age faster than we could imagine. Moreover, my routine never changes day in and day out that I sometimes scrimp on myself. 

I'm saving up for a new laptop and mobile phone since the speakers of these gadgets are not working at par, making it hard for me to watch YouTube and Netflix. However, I told myself I will control my spending from this day on and stick to a budget. As for novelty, I could always blog/vlog as an outlet for creative expression.

As for Sago, she's getting a little paranoid with people thinking strangers will butcher her so we don't walk very far. Sago by instinct is wary of strangers that's why she was so stressed before when she would stay outdoors, hardly eating anything and would shed a lot. 

Click

Sago is familiar with the clicks of the door and the screech of the gate when they open. Hence every time she wants to step out, she goes upstairs or steps out of our house. Aside from the clicks, her cues that the door or gate will be opened is when I dab a wet cotton ball and ointment on the wound on her right ear (which never heals), she sees me carrying my sling bag, after we take our morning walk, and when she sees me carrying a broomstick.

Likewise, Sago knows I'll be stepping out of my room once she hears me turn the electric fans off. As much as possible, she does not want to be left alone. She's with me or my brother most of the time.

Me and Sago enjoy the outdoors very much that we look forward to our daily walks in case the sun is out. I don't even have to open the screen door for her as she steps out before I do. The same is true when we step inside: she wants to go inside first before I do and she knows I will remove her leash once we're indoors.

She learned all of these things without anyone training her. It has become part of her instinct.

Breakfast and snack foods

My order of instant oatmeal just arrived today.  April 14, 2023 marks the day when I will start taking oatmeal for breakfast and any time of the day when I'm hungry or I don't like what's served on the table.

I've already planned how to install variety into my oatmeal. Crab paste, chicken powder, chilli garlic oil will make my oatmeal a little salty like congee while almond milk, coconut milk, cream, chocolate, strawberry or blueberry jam, purple yam, coffee and yogurt will perk up an otherwise boring oatmeal.

Occasionally, Sago and I will have bacon/canned sausages, spam, toasted buttered bread or with Cheez Whiz and eggs for breakfast. On days when I have oatmeal, she will have mackerel with dog food. 

No more afternoon naps

Sago no longer sleeps in my room during afternoons and that's because I no longer take afternoon naps. I take 2 fish oil capsules at 3:00 p.m. to alleviate headache symptoms then take my prescribed medicines at 4:00 p.m. just in time when their efficacy wears off to avoid overdosage. This way, I won't feel so groggy upon waking up and be more productive during day time. 

Lately, Sago only goes upstairs after we walk so she could groom herself at the balcony. She expects me to open the door for her. Once the door is opened, I leave her alone at the balcony while I get my cigarettes, tumbler of cold water or leftover coffee and cellphone. This is our daily routine in case it's not raining. If there is a downpour, Sago prefers to stay indoors and waits for the sun to shine. On rainy days, it's difficult for me to make her walk outside but we have to, to ensure her bowel movement is regular. 

The bed I bought for Sago is no longer in use. I think I'll bring it downstairs and place it behind my brother's bed where she stays if she does not want to be disturbed.

In the meantime if there are no leftover meats during dinner, Sago and I have sunny side up/scrambled eggs and mackerel/sardines in natural oil dashed with garlic chives and chopped onions.

My energies are directed towards doing house chores and taking care of Sago that I am early retiring from work. I have not heard from my employer and it's been months already. Honestly, I'm managing my expectations but I no longer look for a job. However, I am not complaining that I'm bored because I'm busy with house work and Sago. I just need to reframe my mind that this is inescapable and what I'm doing is a labor of love. Besides I can always learn something new by reading and watching YouTube videos and Netflix.

Why I love Sago

Sago was left all alone outside our gate the other day. I could not find her. As much as Sago was worried that she was neglected outside our home, I was also worried that a male dog might mate with her. I have to keep a close eye on Sago as she could approach a male dog if she is unleashed. Now I don't know if she is pregnant but I don't think she is as days have already passed by since she was left outside.

In case Sago gets pregnant by accident, I would give away her puppies but she will remain with me. I must admit that I've emotionally invested in Sago that she is too precious to forego. I don't care if she is already a senior adult. To me, she will always remain my baby.

I'm chronicling Sago's milestones but haven't really thought why I love her so much. Perhaps I'm more like a guy who can't answer a simple girlfriend's question why he loves her. 

Now that I've thought about it, why do I love Sago?

I could have dumped her and replaced her with an imported breed. You might ask why is Sago so special when she looks like a dog adopted from a shelter?

To answer your question, I don't judge a book by its cover. It's like having many suitors but I end up choosing the one I love. The moment Sago found her new home, there was an instant connection. I have found my daughter and she has likewise found her mom.

Any dog can instantly fall in love with its human but Sago is enough for me. I could have purchased an imported breed if I had the money but I form a very deep attachment with my pet that losing her would surely break my heart.

And Sago knows I love her; I need not train her to fall in love with me. Because the feeling is mutual, she trusts me. Clipping her claws are no longer a problem after bathing her. She knows our morning and afternoon routines; she follows me to make sure we're on track. Early in the morning, I feed her and we take a walk outside. I sometimes give her free rein to her leash as she knows our way home unless a male dog tries to approach her. In the afternoon, we sleep together. She has her own bed in my room but prefers to sleep close to me.

With Sago, I no longer have to deal with unrequited love. She very much appreciates my efforts in taking good care of her, making sure her meat has no bones so she won't choke and feeding her the best dog food on the planet. I even have to purchase her meat so she could have protein in her meals. These simple gestures are enough to earn her trust and loyalty.

Why do I love Sago? It's fairly simple. It is because she loves me too. 

Beverages

Coffee, especially instant coffee, is cheap. No wonder it's a favourite beverage of all especially in the mornings after waking up.

But aside from coffee, another perk me up would be alcohol especially when you're very tired but I only consume one can of it each day. A sip of alcohol beverage is tolerable for me, meaning I don't puke. However, I'm afraid I could not be your beer buddy as I cannot finish rounds. In other words, one can of beer is the most I can drink and that lasts for a week until I crave again. Moreover, I think I'll just substitute coconut milk for alcohol as it is a much healthier alternative and can do wonders to my energy levels as well. 

Tip: Mix coconut milk with cold black tea and you got yourself Thai milk tea.

With regards to trending milkshakes, I'm not really a big fan of it although I'd like to drink a hot cup of milk just before bedtime to put me to sleep. 

I don't like my drinks to be sweet which is why I skip sugar in my coffee and hot milk. I like my coffee with one tablespoon of instant coffee granules and two tablespoons of creamer. My black tea on the other hand has no bit of sugar: just black tea and cold water. 

As for Sago, she just drinks tap water the whole day but she has two bowls of fresh water every morning: one upstairs and one downstairs. I want to make sure that she is properly hydrated, and that she is able to relieve herself each day to avoid intestinal problems. I also have to keep hydrated so there's a jug of filtered water and a drinking glass on my desktop. 

It's only now that I noticed Sago to eat from the rims of her bowl first as she gradually moves to the centre of her meal. She does not like dog food lately, and I don't know if her appetite diminishes as she ages or she's back to being a picky eater again.

On other news, I get drowsy upon taking my medications in the early afternoon that I have to drink coffee. I lay down for a while with Sago near me. But lately, I nap in the mornings and don't feel sleepy in the afternoons and instead accompany Sago who's downstairs chilling out. I like staying close to Sago, caressing her soft fur while she naps. Sago's favourite past time is napping. She enjoys it so much that she extends her leg with her eyes closed exposing her belly; sometimes she sleeps on the couch. And it's when she's on the couch at dusk that I like kissing her before we both welcome the morning when we take a walk.

Sago's milestones

During heat, Sago prefers to take long walks instead of looking for a male dog partner. I can tell she is in heat because her pees are more frequent. Or maybe she is experiencing immense boredom like I do to which bouts of sunlight and a short exploring within the neighbourhood's woods are the cure. 

Like me, Sago is curious. We both seek mental stimulation. Her current interest is her surroundings while my current interest is recording Sago's milestones. 

Since Sago is active from 6:00 a.m. to 12:00 p.m., I devote almost the whole morning walking and watching over her aside from doing house chores, tending to my mini garden and buying our breakfast. Come afternoon and we sleep together in my room. Once she wakes up, however, she starts to feel restless waiting for my brother to settle down. 

Instead of male dogs, Sago loves the pheromones of my brother. I have to admit that although I'm a hands-on mom to Sago: from feeding. walking to bathing her, my brother is her favourite human. 

Like most female dogs, Sago is frightened by loud noises. I've provided her with a safe haven in my room which is the closet with one door closed and the other slightly open so she can sneak inside. She stays there until the noise subsides.

Fat dog and vermicast

Similar to plants, Sago looks like she is nourished with fertilizers because she is a fat dog. Moreover, her coat has become shinier. Her diet consists of table food or cooked eggs, a scoopful of steamed rice, one and a half cup of dog food which she cleans up every meal time. She eats twice a day depending if meat or fish is served during lunch or dinner but I buy our breakfast.

I've studied almost all brands of dog food in the market and noticed Sago can only finish one particular brand which I will not mention since I won't be paid for the advertisement.

On other news, I'm in the process of experimenting with vermicast or worm manure on my plants although compost worked on my celery but with stunted growth. I did my research on YouTube on how to make vegetables grow and professional gardeners say they mix vermicast with coco peat.

Vermicast compared to regular soil is a lot smoother. Compared to compost, there are no dead leaves or other debris where centipedes could breed. Moreover, it has no foul smell. The downside is that you have to purchase vermicast and coco peat but they're more pleasant to the eyes than regular soil or compost. Moreover, you're not sure if the plants that are sprouting from the compost are your seeds. It could be wild grass which your dog might like but there are no studies yet which could guarantee it's safe. I notice Sago's poop to be somewhat yellow every time she eats grass and I don't know if that's bad. Google says it's an indication of food intolerance when there's a change in diet. The problem is I have to incorporate meat into Sago's meals to delay the onset of joint problems as she ages.

Sago is now seven years old, she turns a year older every January 13 of each year. She is a senior adult but still has not mated. Yes, I know she is just a dog, a very ordinary dog even but nonetheless mating is non-negotiable, and I keep her at a distance from dogs on the loose. It's a good thing she keeps close to me whenever we walk like she is not interested in mating and she wants me to protect her. I apply this same non-negotiable principle to myself especially when HIV and sexually transmitted diseases are rising at an exponential rate that you don't know who is infected or not.

As a way of pampering Sago, she has her own foldable bed for humans in my room. That way she can sleep comfortably like she sleeps at the couch at the living room. Come evening however, she descends the stairs and prefers to sleep in the couch while she waits for my brother.

Morning and afternoon routine

Sago is craving for grass today. We did not walk very far this morning. Instead, she was searching for fresh grass to nibble on. That's what she did the whole morning, aside from relieving and grooming herself. 

Mornings are basically reserved for grooming time. I have to allot time for it or else Sago would be very restless especially when she's my only pet. The whole afternoon in the meantime is when we sleep together in my room. She leaves once I'm awake but does not go very far from me. She knows this morning and afternoon routines, without me having to train her.

My younger sister calls Sago a "dumb dog" but for me she is very smart.  For one thing, she knows where our house is, she knows the sound of the doors unlocking, and she can tell if my brother has arrived once the gates start squeaking. She is likewise our security, barking at strangers who are near our house and who enter our premises. She does not trust anyone but our family, refusing to be touched. A slight touch would make her growl.

I think the reason why Sago is wary of strangers is that she knows she is well taken care of and is very grateful for that. Before when she was kept outside our house, she was very friendly to strangers, as if she wants to be adopted. Now, she does not leave far from me, even if she is unleashed. She knows that I have to put on her leash every time we walk. I've somehow communicated to her that I'm afraid she'll be ran over if I let her on the loose. And oh, she goes inside our house every time I call her without force.

We sometimes can't help to feel lazy. And it's more difficult to fight laziness without an incentive or if the incentive is just enough for you to thrive. I guess that's one of the foremost reasons why everyone wants to have a partner in life, to fill the void inside. But then, they get disappointed upon doing a reality check when their partners do not meet their expectations or nothing changes.

It is during these times when we need to count our blessings and be very appreciative for whatever we have. It's no use comparing ourselves to others because we can never be like them. We could be jealous but jealousy only brings misery so be like a dog who is in the hands of a kind master. 

Signs

Signs that Sago is happy and healthy are she has a very hearty appetite even if vegetables are incorporated into her meals and she looks forward to our morning walks, she's on a playful mode while she stretches her front legs, very excited to step out.

Whilst Sago is more active as she ages, I feel sick on most days and I don't know if it has something to do with being jobless or the side effects of my medications. Sure, my siblings need all the help they can get from doing house chores and they cannot be avoided, but the thing is I feel lazy like most people that's why I have to blog/vlog in order to vent so that I can resume doing house chores. 

I've been single throughout my life with no one to talk to. It does make me crazy and lonely sometimes but what else can I do? It's not that I don't have any option but I'm afraid I won't be able to fulfil my duty as a wife. I'm in the age of retirement, I no longer have the usual energy of the youth. If I became a mother in my younger years, it's time that my children take care of me.  

Maybe I'm saying this because I'm jobless. But having a job would also leave me unsatisfied because of very low wages. Unless we move out or migrate from this country, we have to face this fact. These are the only options, nothing else. But then again we have no idea of the standard of living outside our country; people might be living at a faster pace or there are likewise no jobs available.

Whilst I've been living a life in solitude, I find joy in simple things like tidying up the house then comparing the before and after look, seeing my plants grow after several failed and successful experiments, seeing my family in fine fettle, eating canteen food for breakfast with Sago and seeing her enjoying her daily routine which never changes.

A fancy website

I'd really like a fancy website where I can earn passive income from paid subscribers. But then again I'm not earning from my YouTube channel. What makes me think it will different from a blog?

Wordpress has a personal plan for starters but it's not to be taken lightly. The annual subscription is almost P2,000.00. For certain, I'm not going to earn from a blog so might as well ditch my dream to have a fancy domain name and website. That P2,000.00 will eventually expire in a year's time when I could buy food and other basic necessities with it.

Anyways, I need to find an outlet for verbal and written expression. Since I'm bilingual, I speak Tagalog in my vlogs while I write in English in my blogs. However, I prefer to blog because I can edit and organize my thoughts. I also don't want my writing skills to rust. Conversely, my vlogs are free flowing but I'm more relaxed.

Blogspot is for free, and I don't know if this will be for a lifetime. It might think of ways on how it can generate revenues just like what yahoo is doing, with promises of protection from malware, spam and all the other viruses and a higher memory. Sure, it is to their advantage but I'm afraid there would be no other venue for expression for those who cannot afford. I might suggest blogspot to capitalize on ads from the blogs of their subscribers.

I only blog and vlog when the mood catches me. I notice that I can think more clearly after a workout and/or after walking. Now that I don't know my status of employment, I think I'll be bloggging/vlogging more to have an outlet for despair.